Don't you understand? I already have a plan I'm waiting for my real life to begin - Colin Hay
Over the past few weeks, I got hooked on a cd/album/iTunes playlist by Colin Hay called Man @ Work. Hay was the lead singer for Men at Work back in the eighties and this album came out around 2003. In it, he rearranges some of Men at Work's hits like Down Under, Who Can it Be and an AMAZING rendition of Overkill with just him and acoustic guitar that is worth the price of the whole thing on it's own. It also contains some of Hay's solo work, including one of the most powerful songs that I've ever heard called Waiting for My Real Life to Begin.
As an actor/writer/comic/director/et al living in Los Angeles, you often live with that very feeling.
"I can't buy a house (have a family, buy a new car) now but when I get on a series (get some commercials, get that film, get published) I'll be able to"
There are many variations of that theme and they certainly aren't unique to people trying to make a career in show business. I think at one point or another, everyone goes through that feeling of "when this happens, things will finally be great". John Lennon immortalized those thoughts in the simple line from Beautiful Boy:
"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans"
The big question for me is: How do you reconcile the two?
How do you, one hand, say "this is my life and I'm living it and enjoying it" while at the same time not give up on your dreams and 'get in line' and stop working towards what you've wanted for a long time.
That's where I find myself at very often these days. Waiting. Feeling like something is just around the corner but not knowing exactly what to do to get there or what to do in the meantime. I guess that's my goal for the new year. Trying to take more pleasure in the ride. I think the secret is balance. It's possible to be happy where you are but still want to accomplish more. You just have to take the moments you enjoy and go from there. One of the biggest blocks I have in my life is not enjoying the journey enough and only focusing on the destination. Inevitably, you are left with a "now what?" feeling when you do that, though.
"Faith is believing in something even when common sense tells you otherwise..."
I just finished watching Miracle on 34th Street (in black and white, the way God intended it) and for some reason, this time really hit me with how well done a movie it is. It's really tightly written.
For those who haven't seen it, the story goes that a gentleman named Kris Kringle takes a gig as a department store Santa at Macy's in NY. He goes through the Christmas season believing he is Santa Claus. When a psychiatrist claims he is insane and wants to have him committed, a hearing is held to determine, once and for all, if he is truly Santa Claus.
That's about the gist of it. If you've never seen it go watch it right now on AMC!! Then come back and read the rest because I'll be spoiling the ending.
It really struck me how tight this movie is. During the trial, they give totally feasible reasons for each player to not want to come out and say "there is no such thing as Santa Claus". They also do a great job in just leaving it up to the viewer to decide for themselves. I found using the letters addressed to Santa being delivered to the court house as authorative proof that this man is Santa was a great way to end the movie. They didn't need to have him fly off in a sleigh. They didn't need him to perform some majestic feat of magic. It was a simple ending that still left his identity in doubt, while also providing a satisfying conclusion. You don't need to know, hell, you don't want to know if Kris is really Santa. You either believe he is or that he isn't.
OK, now I'm off to watch A Christmas Story...another classic.
Ever since I was old enough to remember, Christmas Eve has been one of my favorite nights of the year...if not the favorite. Sure, Christmas morning is the day you open the gifts but as with most things, the real treat is in the anticipation (although when I was growing up, my Dad worked for the MBTA and worked most Christmas Days, so we would open the presents on Christmas Eve. My mom explained to us that Santa knew that Dad had to work so he wanted to make sure that we were able to open presents with Dad there, so he came a little early. Nice guy, that Santa.).
In years past, when both grandparents were still alive and their brothers and sisters were young enough to do so, we would always have Christmas Eve and Day at one of the three aunts houses. They all lived on adjacent streets, one street over from each other. One year it would be at my grandparents, then next at my grandfather's sister Mary's, the next at their sister's Ann...and so on. Thanksgiving and Easter would get rotated in as well. All, except Fourth of July....that day was ALWAYS at my grandfathers. He had a huge screened in porch and a giant backyard. Actually, we would have an evening cookout and fireworks on the 3rd of July. Then on the morning of the Fourth we'd have a breakfast and spend the rest of the day playing wiffleball and swimming over my Aunt Mary's house (only one street over remember?)...but I digress.
I used to love these holidays as I got to see my cousins and relatives that I rarely got to see on non-holiday weeks. We would pack about 30-40 people in the house. On Christmas Eve we'd have a traditional Italian dinner...pasta and fish. And lots of it. Then we'd spend the rest of the night playing cards and talking until Santa showed up and gave all the kids (and adults!) presents. Actually, one of the last family get togethers for Christmas saw yours truly reprise his stellar 6th grade performance as Saint Nicholas. I wish I had tape of that...I'd put it on my reel :)
As everyone got older, the holiday get togethers became a thing of the past. People get older, move on and go their own way. My grandparents sold their house about when I moved to Los Angeles. My cousin bought it, so at least it stayed in the family.
Now Christmas is a little different. I come home and spend it with my Mom and stepdad Barry. My sister and her husband, as well as my brother and his girlfriend came over for dinner tonight (Chinese food!!) and tomorrow we'll all go see Papa at Harborside. Then come back, do presents and have our own dinner. Tonight, after writing this, I'll kick back with Charlie Brown Christmas as well as Dave Brubeck's Christmas album playing on Itunes. I'll watch Miracle on 34th Street and A Christmas Story on TV and just relax. I do look forward to the years to come, when I can create some new Christmas traditions of my own for my family.
I took the redeye out of LAX last night at 11:00 and got into Logan International in my hometown of Boston around 7:00 this morning. I always liked taking the red eye. I can sleep as much as I can on the flight itself and then still have the entire day in front of me when I land. If I leave in the morning, I'm usually wide awake the entire nonstop flight and then I've already lost half that day.
My mom got a new dog this past week and it's just freakin' adorable. Her name is Belle and she is way too cute. So cute that I feel the need to punch someone in the face just to maintain my manliness and offset her cuteness.
I also went over to see my grandfather at the nursing home. At first, I don't think he recognized me but as I moved closer, he smiled and grabbed my hand and arm in his vicelike grip. He wouldn't let go of me the entire visit and even though he didn't say anything, he didn't need to. The funny thing about him is when he feels the visit is over, he just pushes himself off in his wheelchair and slowly shuffles down the hall. That's it. Show's over. Nothing more to see here.
I plan on having a very chill week. I might do some writing, I'll definitely play with the puppy. I'll watch some TV (I've recently gotten addicted to SCRUBS) and movies, listen to my iPod (I HIGHLY recommend Colin Hay's Man@Work cd) and see some old friends. I'm looking forward to my week at home and I think it's going to be the recharge I need for the upcoming year. I've had a lot of forward momentum in December with a lot of projects so I'm really looking forward to carrying it into '07.
