We went to visit Papa on Christmas eve and day. Trying to make the best of the situation, I had made braciolle and my soon-to-be-brother-in-law made his sauce and meatballs. We smashed it up into little pieces and brought some for Papa. In addition, my Mom had picked up his favorite dessert, Ricotta Pie, and we brought some of that as well. It was a true celebration of family as we all sat with him in his hospital room while he ate.
His roommate George (previously mentioned in the posts below) was getting ready to go home for a few hours in the evening to spend the evening with his daughters and his wife. George has Emphysema and has to take an oxygen tank with him when he leave Harborside. The tanks can only hold about 4 hours of air, so his forays into the outside world are rare and over pretty quickly. As anyone would be, he was very excited to see his family.
He said to me: "I've gotten into a little routine and got myself into the thought that the people here (the patients and staff) are my family. Tonight I'm going home to see my real family".
The next day we asked him how it was and he was so happy. His wife had no idea she would be seeing him and didn't think she would as they are staying at seperate nursing homes. When they saw each other they embraced, sat on the couch and cried.
I think I learned a lot about what family and Christmas are really about on this trip back home. It's one I'll remember for quite some time.
The show last night at the Comedy Studio was a blast and I even got off a few new jokes. My favorite being about that Christmas song "Do They Know It's Christmas". There's that one part where Bono belts out: "Tonight thank God it's them instead of yoouuuuuuuu!"
Well, isn't that a sweet Christmas wish.
Nothing shows holiday spirit by wishing ill on someone else. Why not go out and kick a homeless person when you get the chance? "Thank God it's you!!!" *BOOT*
So thanks to Rick Jenkins and everyone at the Studio for throwing me the gig last minute and thanks to everyone that came out. It was cool to see some familiar faces.
I doubt there will be any posts over the long weekend (or any readers either) so let me take this chance to say:
To all my Christian friends: Merry Christmas!
To all my Jewish friends: Happy Channukah!
To all my Africa-American friends (who celebrate): Happy Kwanzaa!
And to all my atheist friends: Hey, have a good weekend!
When I was heading over to see my grandfather, my sister asked me "have you met Vito yet"? I hadn't. But the other day I was finally treated to the wonder that is Vito.
Vito is a little, old, Italian gentleman who, I'm told, was my grandfather's first roommate at Harborside. He wasn't too happy with my grandfather being there as he kept screaming about "my casa, my casa". You see, Vito suffers from a touch of dementia as does my grandfather and thought it was his apartment, not a hospital room. My mom would come to find Papa's TV remote missing and in Vito's desk drawer, things misplaced. They ended up moving my grandfather out into a different room, with George, whom I mentioned previously.
On a side note, I just found out that George is married and his wife is at a seperate nursing home. Apparently there are limited amounts of "male" beds at these places and that place was completely full. So he doesn't see his wife and they are apart. That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard.
Vito tools around in his wheelchair, IV bottle with "nourishment" (he refuses to eat solids even though he can) attached. He doesn't use his arms to wheel himself, instead only using one foot and peetering up the hallway in little increments. You can see his IV bottle coming by the window as he approaches. Here comes Vito! He has a little house arrest anklet on because every now and then he makes a break for it. My sister was leaving one day and Vito thought it was his opportunity to go "over the wall" (or out the door). Kathy had to turn him around and wheel him back in.
The thing that really stands out about Vito, though, is that he speaks completely in Italian. In fact, he has entire conversations with my Mom (and tries to with me)...the only problem is that neither of us speak Italian at all. My grandfather doesn't understand him either. He can speak English and has (fluently!), but keeps going right back into Italian despite telling him we don't speak it. So Vito just goes on, yacking it up and we laugh when it looks like he's laughing and nod seriously when it looks like a graver tone. At one point, I was talking to my Mom when Vito started up. She turned to him and said "I'm sorry Vito, what was that?" which cracked me up because she can't understand what he's saying anyways, so why the need for repeating? I teased her about that the entire ride home.
I got into Boston around 5:30 AM Monday morning. I've taken the red-eye the last few trips home and I really dig it. First off, the airport is not as insane as it can be for morning flights. Secondly the flight is always a little less crowded and third, it just seems to go by faster. They played Elf in-flight so I watched that and giggled in my seat (that movie had NO RIGHT being as funny as it was). Then I popped on the iPod, listened to David Sedaris' Santaland Diaries and some of Naked and then switched over to Miles Davis and fell asleep for an hour, only to be awoken by the one freakin' vocal track on the CD. Scared the crap out of me.
After getting to bed around 7 AM and sleeping for about 6 hours, my Mom came home from work and we went over to see my grandfather at Harborside. Harborside is a long term care facility. Sort of a mix of nursing home and rehab. To recap, my grandmother passed away last April (same day as the Pope) and my grandfather was living with my Mom and stepdad. He doesn't have Alzheimers but he does suffer from some dementia and also has had a few strokes so speaking is labored and limited. He doesn't get around very well, either. For a few months, they had a nurse come in for a few hours a day to stay with him and then my parents would take over when they got home from work. Back in September, he had a heart attack and had to be rushed to the hospital. They had tubes in his throat and a feeding tube in his stomach. which he kept ripping out. They thought he might pass as he wasn't allowing the tube to be replaced and would yank it out in the middle of the night. And then, slowly but surely, his throat started healing some and he was taking some liquids. He has since put on 5 lbs and eats pureed foods and thickened waters and juices.
I was sad when I first heard about this, but now I'm starting to think it's very good for him. All of the nurses LOVE him and bring him out to sit at the nurse's station during the day. He waves and blows kisses to all the ladies (he LOVES the ladies, like grandfather like grandson), enjoys eating in the Activity Room and has a great roommate named George who really looks out for him. George is this big guy and he kept telling me jokes I could "use in my act". The jokes were ok, but he was so animated telling them I was getting a big kick out of it. I'll have to remember some street jokes for when I go back today to tell him.
When I walked in, there he was in his wheelchair at the nurse's station. His eyesight being so bad, it took him a little bit to focus on me. I said "hey big guy what's going on?" And he finally said "JOOHHHNNNNNN" and grabbed my hand and squeezed. Man, that hurt. He still has a grip of a much younger man. I didn't care though. I was hanging with my Papa and it was all good. Later he said to my Mom, "It's good to see John" and that made me smile.
So Papa has people around him all the time now. My mom visits at least 5 times a week if not more. They have little parties and had Christmas Carollers in this week, which he loved. One of the little girls made him a card and he showed it to me, all happy. It's not easy, it's not ideal but it is what it is and, in my opinion, is the best of the situation. And I think, in times like this, that's good enough.
With Christmas fast approaching, so is the time for my bi-yearly trek home to Boston to visit.
I love going home and being in New England at this time of year, but man is it freakin' cold. My poor blood has thinned to Californian levels and I'm looking at freezing my bejingles off (I'm not quite sure where, on the human form, the bejingle is located but I do bet it can fall off when temperatures get lower than 30 degrees. Seriously. It's a fact. I read it...somewhere.)
I also have a show booked at The Comedy Studioin Harvard Square on Thursday 12/22 so come on by if you're in the area. It's one of my old stomping grounds and I haven't performed there in quite awhile so it should be a good time.
Here are some things I look forward to when I go back to Beantown:
** Anna's Tacqueria - Simply the best burritos I've ever had. And believe me, I've searched far and wide all over Southern California and for some strange reason, nothing I've had can top this little place in Porter Sq. They steam the tortillas and use this fresh salsa...they may even dip the rice in crack, I have no idea. It's just really good! I also have a theory that maybe they aren't "that" good, but it's what I'm used to and I never actually had a "good" burrito. On that I call blasphemy! I'll take a Super Chicken Burrito with jalapenos and black beans please!
** Dunkin' Donuts - Not so much for the donuts themselves (although who can resist those little chocolate Munchkin donut hole treats?!), but I do love the coffee. So much so, that I have a few pounds sent to me every few months and I make my own in the mornings here. For some reason there are no Dunkin' Donuts in Los Angeles. ZERO!! Insanity!!! I've heard tales of one up in Sacramento but I've never been up there. I think Gov. Arnold is hoarding the D Squared. Share the wealth man!!
** Stand-up Comedy - I don't really enjoy doing standup out here in CA that much. The audiences are sparse and you usually have to deal with all manner of self delusional "producers" of the shows telling you to "bring" 4-5 people or you're not getting stage time. Whatever. There are outside one nighters around LA that I love doing and I stick to those. But the comedy scene in Boston is just really solid. There's a scene there, a fraternity. And I do miss that a lot.
** And finally, my family and friends. I think that goes without saying.
It seems that there are a lot things in life that I'm usually late to the dance for. A lot of books, bands, technological advances...uh, dances(?)...all these I seem to pick up after most normal, more pop culturally aware people. But usually, with film and TV, I'm right on the money and ahead of the curve.
That's why I was so disturbed to find out I totally missed the boat on the cancelled and lamented Joss Whedon show Firefly. Having recently "Netflix'ed" (I love how that is becoming a verb in the American vernacular. I Netflix, will Netflix, have Netflix'ed") the complete and all too short run of the show, I found myself sucked in.
It is quite simply one of the best television shows I've ever seen.
And this is coming from someone who has never seen an episode of Star Trek (any incarnation), let alone any Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. Sure I loved Star Wars growing up and I read comics, but I would never classify myself as a huge fan if science fiction. It was never my thing. And I think that's the very reason I enjoyed Firefly so much. Sure there were space ships and pseudo scientific jargon being spewed (along with random bits of Chinese which I thought was an intriguing touch), but at it's heart it was a story of a group of misfits on the run and it was in the tone of a western at that. It reminded me of one of my favorite older shows, Quantum Leap, in that once you buy the premise, it stops being a sci-fi show and is just a show about the characters.
And the characters on Firefly are among the best I have ever seen. Nathan Fillian is this generation's Harrison Ford and I hope to work with him someday very soon. Insane comic timing and just a great presence more along the lines of Indiana Jones than Capt. Kirk. He's got flaws and isn't always the bravest dog in the fight, but he gets by. Adam Baldwin is also another standout and is hysterical. You hate him and love him at the same time. Not to mention I'm totally crushing on Jewel Staite as Kaylee. Alan Tudyk, Gina Torres, Ron Glass (man this guy has a resume you would kill for) as well as Summer Glau, Sean Maher and Morena Baccarin all shine as their characters and give such a life and depth to their dysfunctional family.
The writing on the show is sharp, funny and turns cliche's on their ears. There are a few moments where they suck you right in and then just swerve you out of left field. And you'll love every second of it.
I haven't seen Serenity (the movie based on the series) yet and I'm looking forward to seeing it when it comes out on DVD in a few weeks (so please, if you've seen it...NO SPOILERS. For that I thank you). After every addicting episode I would exclaim to my roommate "How the hell does a show this good get cancelled?!?!?!" It's that good and I really hope that somehow the Gods of Television look down and find some way to bring it back. Television is need of quality and it seems to be returning. This show would fit nicely on SciFi or even an HBO or Showtime. Albeit a massive longshot, here's hoping.
You can pick up the complete series of the show for $30 at Amazon and it's worth checking out. At the very least, rent one of the discs and I don't think you'll be disappointed.
In the immortal words of Fillian as Capt. Mal Reynolds: "If someone tries to kill you, well, you try to kill them right back."
I've been getting the itch to do some standup again. It's been a little while since my last show and I've been really focusing more on acting and writing the past few months so standup has taken a little backseat to all of that. For some reason, lately I've been feeling the need to do some shows. I'm going to do some sets when I go back home for Christmas and I'm even going to be going to Oklahoma for a few gigs in February/March so I'm looking forward to that.
I got off "the road" after doing standup professionally for 10 years back in 2003 or so. I moved out here from Boston and knew what I wanted my end goal to be...to work as an actor. I was burnt out from all the travel and just standup itself. I still did shows, but gone were the days (and years) of 250 shows a year.
All of this got me to thinking about road stories. Those tales you tell of gigs gone bad to pass the time on an 8 hour car trip to Caribou, Maine. The one that follows is my good friend (and kickass comic) Rev. Tim McIntire's favorite road story of mine:
It was back in the winter of 1998 when I got a call from a local booker to feature (comedy show hierarchy follows as such: headliner, feature/middle, opener/host) a comedy show at this little place in Houlton, Maine. Being the whore that I am, I took it. The money was "eh" but I had the weekend open on my schedule. It's about a 6 hour drive from Boston to Houlton (it's literally at the END of Route 95. You go to the end of the highway and take a left. And then it's COMEDY!) and I was asked if I could pick up the opener, Pat Hicks, on the way. Usually it stands that the opening act will drive the other acts and other such hazing rituals of being in the standup fraternity, but I didn't really care. Pat lived in Portland, it was on the way and I liked him well enough, so at least it was company for the ride.
I pick up Pat at the Home Depot and the minute his ass touches car seat, he's off to the races, complaining about how he can't believe he's opening this show. He felt his ample talents would be much better suited to middling the show. This is normal piss and moan for comics but two things really bothered me: (1) That he took the gig in the first place, knowing damn well what slot on the show he was accepting. Very rarely do you book a road gig without knowing your position on the show. You make sure you know moreso for any monetary differences than prestige. And (2) I was middling this show! So basically he's telling me (in my car as I'm carting his ass up to Houlton) that he's a better comic than I am and should be above me in the show.
After a few hours of the barrage of complaints, I simply turned down the radio and said, "Pat, would you feel better if I hosted the show? Then you could middle." He was relieved, and stated how he just felt the show would work so much better that way. In reality, a comic bitches about his position on the show for approximately three reasons: (1) the aforementioned monetary difference (and that was not going to change), (2) his ego and (3) they're afraid to open the show because they don't feel they'll have a strong enough set and don't want to warm the crowd up by "taking the bullet" (see all the fancy insider lingo you get by reading my posts?). Since Pat had revealed to me that he had taken a 6 month layoff, I assumed it was a combination of all three of the above.
We pull into the hotel (conveniently attached to the "comedy club") and it turns out that Pat and I are sharing a room and Al Ducharme, the headliner, has his own room. No big whoop. We meet up with Al and I tell him the change in lineup and I go up to start the show. Now, you don't do the road a long time and not learn all of the little tricks you can do to get a crowd on your side and really make it tough on the guy following you. I have to admit, in a moment of weakness and one that I'm not terribly proud of, I pretty much did them all. If Pat thought he was better suited to follow me, then I was gonna make him work for it. I did crowd work...lots. Made sure to hit every table around the stage. I went a little over the time I said I was going to do. I pandered and I made sure that every freakin' person in that audience loved me. I don't think I even did any of my jokes (which should REALLY make them love me! heh) and then I introduced Pat.
He got onstage, did a joke and it got a lukewarm laugh. "OK," I thought, "maybe he'll be fine". And then...it started. After a few jokes and some decent laughs he decided it was time for crowd work. With all of the people I've already done crowd work with. And he tried to play off the jokes I had already made with them. Bad idea. They had already bonded with me and didn't feel like treading over the same material with this new guy (and it's really like that..for that first couple of minutes onstage during your set, you are the new guy. They don't know you and don't quite trust you. It takes a few minutes, sometimes an entire set, to get them to warm to you and connect).
He started with the standard "where are you from". Nothing. Silence. "Um, ok, so where are YOU from?". Tumbleweeds blowing across the stage. And he. Wouldn't. Let. It. Go. He just kept on trying to work the crowd and they started to not just dislike him, but actually hate him. As a cry of "you suck" came wafting out of the audience Pat sunk to the levels we are all taught never to sink. In the cry of the defeated comic he replied "uh, yeah? Well how about you come up here and try it?" to which the heckler came back with "I don't wanna, but I wish you'd sit down". Ouchies.
It was at this point that Al leaned over to me and whispered, "this is getting to the point where it could affect our show."
And so it went for an agonizing 30 minutes, relentless and getting worse by the minute. It all came crashing down when he tried to close on some stupid stunt where you put one arm inside your shirt and hold the empty sleeve with the other hand. Then you make that back and forth motion so it looks like you have an alien popping out of your stomach. Pat's convinced he "wrote" this bit, but I seem to remember doing it a lot when I was in 6th grade.
He ends it and I go back onstage to get the crowd back and bring up Al. I do a few jokes and now they aren't laughing much so I said "hey, you guys loved me 30 minutes ago, don't blame me for that." That got a laugh and got them on their way to be ready for Al. I went back to the bar to watch his set and I see Pat, just huddled over a beer, at the end of the bar. At times like these it's best to just let someone sit and suss it out themselves...also it allows you the luxury of not getting the stink of flop on you by association.
Al finishes strong and I go up to end the show. In the meantime, Pat his vanished. We get paid and head back over the hotel. As I approach my room, I see the flickering blue light of a television and I open the door, only to see Pat rolled up in the fetal position, looking horrified. In what would not be called one of my most sympathetic moments, I uttered "Oh my God, Al come here!! Look at this!!". We both shared a chuckle and I asked Pat why he just disappeared at the end of the show and why he didn't just leave after his set. He said "I wanted to wait until the crowd was distracted because I was afraid they would give me an applause break when I left". That might have been the funniest thing he said all night.
I'm brushing my teeth and out of the corner of my eye, I see him stagger out of his bed and try to put his jeans on, almost topping over in the process. He says to me, like a beaten dog " can I have the keys to your car?"
"Why? Are you going to kill yourself?"
"No, I just want to get my candy." Oh geez, how pathetic. I tossed him my keys and went to sleep.
The next morning we were up at 5AM as I had an afternoon gig back in Beantown to hit. We load up, get some gas and some coffee and there's silence, but for the radio. As we turn onto Route 95 and prep for the 6 hour journey back, I lower the radio volume and turn to my passenger.
In an idea I totally ripped off from Jeff, I checked on my stats for the website for the past few months. It's funny, because I started doing the blog and (semi) regular updates in May and I could see the numbers double from about 5,000 hits to 10,000. The addition of my Monkey Porn post also added to the hit parade. But I've seen the numbers start to climb slowly each month up to around the 16,000 hits.
November, however, went through the roof! I had 27,421 hits for the month of November. I had no idea so many people were checking out the site and I really appreciate anyone who wastes 10 minutes of their day checking out my blatherings. Thanks so much for reading and I will definitely keep on posting (and actually hope to get that webcomic up and running in the new year).
Not content to just gorge myself on one special day out of the year, my roommate Tim and I decided early in the week that we would have a poker game. That idea turned into "hey lets start earlier in the day and have a BBQ, and then play more poker throughout the day". Sounded an awful lot like a plan.
So we grabbed Jeff and with Costco card in hand, went shopping. That place is amazing and I believe I may have to get a membership there one of these days. I always thought it weird to have to pay for the right to go spend money at a place. Odd, that. But I digress...
We bought burgers, hot dogs, beer, chicken wings and even a propane tank for our brand spankin' new (at least to us) grill that Tim procured from a friend of his. The tank was necessary as it's awful tough to cook all that beef with just a cigarette lighter from my car. Who likes their's rare??
I wish, when out and about, we had picked up one of those long pilot lighters though. The one we had barely worked and took a long time to spark. Just long enough that when it finally hit the gas that had been coming out of the tank it made a nice fireball that scared the crap out of me. And really, hair on the back of your hands is so overrated anyways. At least I still have my eyebrows.
The poker was fun and we had a full table all of the three games. I took second in one tournament and won some money in the cash game. The real story was Ms. Amber Willey of Tarzana, CA who kicked some serious ass in the second tourney. She beat me, heads up and was just a monster. Someone's been doing some research.
The night ended with Jeff, Tim, Amber, Mitch and myself belting out diddies on Jeff's Karaoke machine until 2 in the morning. Ahhhh, it's so nice not to have connecting walls. And you haven't lived until you've seen your 6'5", 280 lb roommate singing "Pleasant Valley Sunday" by the Monkees.
All grilling catastrophes aside, it was a blast of a day. I've always wanted a place to be able to invite friends over, cook out, play some cards and just chill out. Things are good.
