Bathroom Banter
I don't ask for much in this world. Someone to love me. Enough money so I'm not struggling to live. Some friends and a career doing what makes me happy. Not too much to ask for at all, really. Above all else, though...
Please don't talk to me while I'm peeing.
It's not you, it's me. You talk, I lock up. Once that happens I have to either A) stand there awkwardly waiting for you to stop talking to me or finish your business. Or, more likely B) stand there and pretend like I went. Zip up, wash hands, exit...only to sneak back into said restroom a few minutes later to pee in peace.
I used to think that office banter was the one thing I detested more than anything in this world. You know the kind. One guy sneezes and his co-worker leans over and asks if he has any allergies.
"Yeah, I'm allergic to work!"
Chuckle, chuckle...good one nameless cubicle person! Scenes like this would make me hunker down in my cubicle praying for the sweet release from this office building prison.
Office banter has now been replaced on my list by bathroom banter.
One time, I was heading into the restroom at the same time as someone I knew and we were discussing one thing or another. That is, until he headed into the stall. I stood in shock and awe as he kept talking to me. As far as I'm concerned, the conversation is over or at least put on hold for that time being. I felt violated. A line had been crossed.
At an office job I had awhile back I had a co-worker, oh lets call him Jim, who I seemed to meet in the bathroom everytime I had to go. At one point he turns to me and says:
"Heh, it looks like we're on the same pee schedule. "
I forced a grin and nodded politely, hoping that would be enough for him. It wasn't.
"Next time I see you going to the restroom I'll have to hold it or else it might get awkward."
It already has, Jim. It already has.
posted by John K @ 12:52 PM
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