John vs. Skunkhead
So as I left off yesterday, I was on a jury selection panel. Before I go into that I want to talk about a man who would become my arch nemesis for the day. A man I would come to know only through the codename: Skunkhead (hey, I had to amuse myself some way)
I'm sitting in the packed Jury Assembly Room and my name is called to turn in my summons. So I get up, walk to the front of the room to drop it off and as I return there is a man sitting in my seat with a steely glare on his face. This man was Skunkhead.
The reason this poor unknown man became the focus of my attention was for the simple reason that he had, on his head, what appeared to be a giant skunk. I know in some cultures these are also known as wigs, hair pieces or even toupe, but this was no simple covering for a balding pate. This was a work of art. Quite literally it looked as if someone took a motorcycle helmet and glued hair to it. It was a pompadour and the hair had a thickness that was worthy of Stalin! It was like the proverbial train wreck as I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I tried to focus on my book, but my eyes would always gravitate towards it as if that monstrosity of a wig was the Death Star; my eyes the poor Millenium Falcon, helpless in it's Tractor Beam.
I'll never understand what makes a man do this to himself. It's not like they're fooling anyone. The aged face and hair of a much younger man is a dead giveaway in itself, let alone you have a giant Mustelidae sitting on your head (that's the family that skunks belong to; I had to look it up). Wouldn't it be better to show some humility and save some dignity and just go bald. Shave your head man! It's in fashion these days!
So I get called into the courtroom with 35 other people and the case is about a trucker who was injured unloading a truck. He was trying to get money from his employers to take care of the issue. Now, having just gone through a workmen's comp case myself at the day job, I thought "this is my ticket!" The judge asked if anyone had anything in their life that could cause a bias towards one side or the other. I raised my hand and told my tale, figuring that it would earn me a dismissal as soon as the words left my mouth...
So I get called onto the actual Jury Panel. I was the third person called to the panel! THIRD. What the hell do I have to do to get out of this? The judge asks us all questions about who we are, what we do for work (when I said I was working tech support currently but for the 10 years previous was a professional standup comic, it drew a laugh)...etc. Before the lawyers could make their challenges, the judge dismissed us, asking us to return the next day at 9:30 AM. Thankfully, upon getting to the courthouse on Wed. morning we were called in and told the case settled. All of the jurors actually erupted into applause, causing the judge to comment "um, I think that's the first time I've ever heard a settlement get that kind of response."
So at 10:30 AM I was a free man once again! I think I would enjoy sitting on a jury and to see what an actual trial is like, but they make it so difficult to do so. There's no pay or reimbursement for it for most people (especially in Los Angeles where a large portion of people work as "independent contractors") and the trials can drag on and on and on.
I did meet some interesting people, though. I met a cool dude who did FX works for films, and even worked on the last two Lord of the Rings movies which I found fascinating. One guy on the panel was a VP at Showtime. This one girl came up to me on the second day and said "you're the actor, right? Did you ever do a wine commercial?" So yes, I got recognized for the Estancia commercial I did back in May. That cracked me up. And was very cool and flattering.
But Skunkhead will haunt me for the rest of my life. The plaintiff in the case had this amazingly bushy and coiffed handlebar mustache. Give this guy a striped shirt and find three others like him and you'd have one kickass Barbershop Quartet. I should have enlisted him to take on Skunkhead in a battle of the ridiculous hair.
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